“ When I look back it seems a miracle that just half a year back I joined NV Life with a fear of dying of cancer and today I am searching for the purpose of my life ! fear getting replaced with curiosity”
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2016. But appearance of first symptom came five years earlier. I knew it was there, but had no reports to prove it as it was too early. After being shown the door by various doctors many a number of times, I went for acupressure. They confirmed my fear, but acupressure too has its limitations and treatment too depends on the availability of the doctor. Well, my doctor disappeared leaving me high and dry with a big question mark NOW WHAT? All this drama continued for five years and finally cancer was detected at 3rd stage. I completed my treatment with chemotherapy and radiation and was weak and facing the side effects of treatment. Nevertheless I was happy thinking all is over and all is well. Just then I lost a friend to colon cancer. She was a sports teacher and strongest of us all mentally and physically. This freaked me out. I could feel death all around me. With this fear at the backdrop, I was introduced to NV life by a friend and met Anjana who gave me the book. First few pages were enough to instil hope and confidence in me, for now I was not depending on anyone but myself.
My sole reason to attend vedna was to find the root cause of my cancer and to get out of the fear of its recurrence. The main obstacle was my strong belief system and I knew I needed extra support for this. During vedna I was advised by Simren to detach myself from my mother and to hunt on the disconnect with her, to get to the root cause of cancer in my body. My stubborn belief system was not allowing me to comprehend this truth. I came back with heavy head. Atmosphere back at home was traumatic for me as my children were also on their journey and were having their own issues. I somehow managed to continue with NV swimming. Fear had started gripping me once again. I had started questioning my faith as I was witnessed to the suffering of my son (he had attended vedna for anger disorder ). Everything that I had gained during vedna and through the book, had taken a back seat. Although my husband kept requesting me to have faith, I was lost in my miseries and anger was surfacing. Like Naveen ji says, “ the problem with the problem is that it does not let you focus on the problem”, I was falling into this trap. I was not using wisdom but taking decision based on guilt and fear . Anjana asked me to hunt on my disconnect with my son. During my first hunt I not just discovered strong disconnect with my son but also with my mother. Everything I had been advised at vedna had started making sense. Emotions of guilt, shame and anger surfaced. I was brought face to face with myself. There was a lot of pain. Naveen ji’s guidance kept me on track and as layer after layer of ego was exposed, I could feel the transformation in me. I was noticing little changes in my son’s attitude too. The journey has just begun.
Post vedna I had questioned Naveen ji on importance of “ Mannat” . His answer made me connect with the silence within. I became a listener and with this wisdom I had the most amazing experience of my life, when one day I was meditating (on an empty stomach), just enjoying being with the breath and drifted into yog nidra. My body was so light that I felt it elevating at an angle. I could feel one with the universe as if there was no “ me”, only a feeling and a sound. It continued for a long time. A mysterious experience.
After attending vedna my duration of yog nidra during swimming has increased. Although mind still plays its game sometimes and fishing needs more sincerity. Hunting is of course my favourite. Through this, I am able to connect the dots of my life. Pattern is becoming clearer and one day I will know the purpose of my birth.
When I look back it seems a miracle that just half a year back I joined NV Life with a fear of dying of cancer and today I am searching for the purpose of my life ! fear getting replaced with curiosity,
This is evolution!