“My spirit, my identity, my soul were frozen in a time capsule; I had left everything behind me because of one tragic moment . What stared at me that instance was my first encounter with my void.”
MANTHAN- TREATMENT WEEK, Mahabalipuram
From the lenses of Simren Sawhney
“Hadd hadd jaye har koi ! Anhad jaye na koi !”
Once in a lifetime this turnover comes and breaks down all your illusions that enable the survivor in you. There was a common bond we all shared in this week, we all came with a strong ego, stubbornness, revolt, hopelessness, fear, intimidation & isolation.
It was destined or an absolute irony that my anticipation of treatment week matched my eagerness for Game of Thrones Season Finale. Sheer coincidence that Naveen sir was featured on the front page of The Bengaluru Chronicle, sharing space with Game of Thrones. A greater coincidence that I felt I was embarking on a journey that was no short of being a Game of Life, my body , my soul and my mind . Waging a war against dead men walking in the disguise of my suffering and my victimisation.
Day 1 -I EXIST!
What defines your identity? A question that left me wondering, about my choices, my dreams and my desires. This question was unfurling my emptiness and beneath layers of fatigue lay active deception. My identity was defined by what? My Parents or my work or my achievements or my accomplishments or my rejection or was it my lack? Naveen sir was flowing with questions and my breath had stopped. Where was all of this in my life? The churning was brutal, healing sessions were so compassionate and full of love that I could not keep any dirt within me even if I wanted to; there was no escape route. It was simple, cut-throat and a chill ran down my spine. My spirit, my identity, my soul were frozen in a time capsule; I had left everything behind me because of one tragic moment . What stared at me that instance was my first encounter with my void.
“Love and prayer are two acts in which identities dissolve and if you create an identity then its neither love nor prayer! Its Ego”
Day 2- Relationships.
If there were ever a day I wanted to run and hide it was this one; and this nervousness made me eat my breakfast with my master a little more generously and what he said to me slaughtered my hunger. Many introspective questions left us exploring our true emotions in many relationships. We did an exercise on stubbornness and the self-destructive path we tend to take because of one lack or one incident. Reflecting on our yearnings and our longing, breathing it so deep for us to recognise our lack of trust.
Manipulation and control in a relationship. Are you a victim or victimiser. Empty or power hungry? Lonely or intimate? Assertive OR Powerless? Questions that demanded an expanded space of introspection.
Which frequency are you operating from decides which side you are on. What is right and wrong ? Have you experienced love?
I tossed and turned that night as I lay reminiscing on the day searching within why was I so stubborn? What led me to it?
Day 3- Love and Intimacy
Early morning Meditation brought in more questions. Where was I walking when Sir was teaching? What have I done in these last three years ? I felt I had been dragging dead weight around me. I felt dead.
How can you kill a dead man- My first curiosity of the day.
By mid afternoon these words were ringing in our ears – “Loneliness”, “isolation”, “self love”, “self destruction”.
I wasn’t in a whirlpool. NO! Not even close at this point! I was sinking with the weight of realisations.
Here I see Naveen sir get lighter on his steps like a young boy in love, his teachings more fluid than ever before and effortless.
Day 4 Life force/spirit and soul
“Mirror mirror on the wall,where is my spirit or have I lost it all”
Day of hopelessness. It had a mirror that showed frozen emotions, dark fantasies, shattered dreams and desires. Self pity, ego and stubbornness. I felt I am for sure on the dart board and sir is the shooter. Here was a day that deemed my doom and I could sense my own digestive juices choking me . Everyone else was fine but I was bloating to stay afloat. The 3 dimensions laid out for us were- 14-21, dark emotions of tragedy, abuse, remorse and pick major source of hopelessness and breath on it.We learnt to neutralise the hidden belief and emotions and bring it towards light.
The day had fantasy of Matahari and mountaineers, singers and writers.A fictional end to A dead poets society.
Day 5 -Stubbornness/ Certainty/ Journey / Curiosity
You want to be so sure of what is next that if you don’t know you cry Fear. This is a lecture that came with deep wisdom towards the death of suffering . Transformation was instant; but alas, the Mind that plays the tricks. A day of healing and a journey into the womb preparing for the final episode.
Naveen sir said this day
”Your pukar is an expression not a communication”
How comfortable are you with your vulnerability and fragility?
He explained the importance and magnitude of the magnetic field. Breath love and expand it.
Day 6 from Dear Ben
“Suffering is not working give Pain a chance.”
Soul Journey a beginning to explore what we always ignored. A moment of recognising– I am the designer of my kingdom and in search of Self I was held hostage to a web of victim play and suffering. Beholden to negative belief system. Reclaim my life force and walk towards my purpose and soul journey.
“A soul can decide anytime to access its passive wisdom” this lecture by Naveen sir brought back my hope, dream and desires.
The most beautiful part of this treatment week was having Mrs Anu Yukti
(Mrs Varshneya) with us on last day. Her first ever formal address in any workshop. She came for halh an hour and played for few minutes with our youngest particpant Ishan. Hearded the brief about each participant in two minute each. Gave deep insights about few which cracked open the mystery, Naveen Sir were working for a week. She taught us, without attempting to teach; and as I soaked in her warm energies, it struck me- she is a part of it all and yet she isn’t. I wondered – is this what it is to be a mystic and a survivor; I’d met a Sadhvi this time. Her guidance and insights were the touch of Grace. While the Master flowed with love, she created the expanse. Together, the magnitude of love and compassion paved the way for me to get drawn into the churn. Our sincere gratitude to Ma’am for spending some wonderful moments with all participants, leaving us in the aura of simplicity and fulfilment.
On our concluding day we had a Meditation Session for the Management team of the Inter- continental Resort. Sir explained and proved that long hours is not the cause of the stress at work but scattered mind and lack of operating from heart. They were taught how to attain the state effortlessly and do meditation while working. An amazing session that left everyone asking for more.
My sincere gratitude to Naveen sir for this week, with utmost simplicity and depth. Remarkable clarity in delivering the deepest science of our journey and purpose that Hundreds of scriptures have not managed to. Sir, it has been my best so far!
Walking out of the venue as I bid farewell and sat in my car my reality hit me. Now my churning was happening and I had no control over it . All this while I have been thinking I am a kite being flown by everyone but me, realising that the kite is where it always was. It wont fly till i want it to, it’s me who didn’t fly it all along, everything else has just been an illusion.
In my deepest moments of longing I hear the sounds of silence in vast lands of emptiness. It is the sound of my Void.
Manthan (Treatment Week) was held in Mahabalipuram, Chennai, from 12-17 April.